The Tech Guru

Today the Foundation's main IT guy, whom I shall call Jason, came into the library to make a presentation about databases and why they are a good idea for storing the Foundation's archival records and documents. (Yes, the Foundation itself does have computers, just not its library, in the sense that none of the library functions have been computerized. Some of the individual library employees have computers in their offices, but not, of course, Mr. Phillips, who refuses to have one of "the devil's tools" on his desk.) I don't need to tell you that Mr. Phillips was a hard sell on this idea of digital archiving.

"Preposterous!" he blurted out in the middle of Jason's presentation.

Jason just stood there for a moment, unsure how to respond. He is a younger guy, about my age, with bushy dark hair, beard, and glasses. Definitely a "geek" type, and the philosophical opposite of Walter J. Phillips in every way imaginable. Finally he said, "And how is it preposterous, Mr. Phillips?"

"Leave it to a tech guru to come up with the perfect way not to preserve documents!" [At this point I saw Jason give Monica a quizzical frown and mouth silently, 'guru?'] "Do you really think your computerized toys are going to last as long as these books? When it comes to archiving, I'll put up good old-fashioned paper against your bright and shiny gadgets any time!"

"Mr. Phillips," said Jason with patience and a hint of amusement, "it's true that paper does have many good qualities and it's a medium that has served us well for a long time. However, the truth of the matter is that paper decays--you have millions of books sitting on library shelves right now silently rotting away--whereas digital files are capable of being around indefinitely. So I would--"

"Indefinitely?!" Mr. Phillips interrupted. "That's what you tech gurus think, isn't it? You think that all your computer files are going to be around forever! Well, you mark my words, young man, I predict that all your digital files will vanish long before my books!"

"Really. And how do you figure?"

"Why, just think about it! Have you heard of peak oil?"

"Of course. It's when the global oil supply begins to decline. But what--"

"Well, computers, and all the digital files they contain, depend on electricity to keep them going, don't they?"

"Yeees..."

"So when the oil becomes more scarce and more expensive, so does the electricity, and the more costly it becomes to keep the computers up and running and the digital files alive! And when the oil runs out, there goes the power grid, and all your computers are worthless, your digital files gone forever!"

Jason chuckled. "But you're forgetting about alternative energy sources--"

"I'm sorry, but I can't entrust the future of important documents to blind optimism! When all the computers lie dead, the books will still be sitting on the shelves, just as readable as ever! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've heard enough of this nonsense. Quite frankly, to continue further would be a waste of my time and yours. Good day, Mr. ----."

Mr. Phillips left the conference room, leaving Jason, the IT guy, stunned. He looked at us and shook his head. "Unbelievable," he said with faint hilarity. "Simply un-believable."