Dewey Decimation System

On Friday Mr. Phillips called me into his office. "Allow me to let you in on a secret," he said.

I waited. Then Mr. Phillips leaned forward, looked at me seriously, and said:

"Dewey was wrong."

I had to think for a moment. "As in the Dewey Decimal system?"

"The very one! Well, I'm here to tell you that Melvil Dewey, creator of the much-vaunted Dewey Decimal Classification system, didn't know what the hell he was talking about!"

"He didn't?"

"No! To think that you can classify everything that exists into ten and exactly ten groups? How convenient! And that each of those ten groups is further divisible into ten subgroups, and so on? Such a neat and tidy cosmology! As though the universe does everything in tens!"

"I never thought of it that way."

"Well, let me tell you this: The Dewey Decimal Classification system is something to be surpassed! Mankind can do far better!"

"What about the Library of Congress system?" I ventured, remembering my work in a university library.

"Library of Congress?! You've got to be kidding! Leave it to the United States government to devise the single worst classification system known to man! Why, it's hardly even worthy of the name! The word 'system' at least implies that there is some sense to it! The problem with Dewey is that it has too much sense; with Library of Congress, that it has--as one would expect of anything associated with Congress--too little sense!"

"So what is the answer, sir?"

"I'm so glad you asked, young man. Because that brings us to the very crux of librarianship and indeed of your apprenticeship. Classification. It is the heart of the matter. It is what we librarians do. We take the vast multitude of books that exist and we sort them out into some kind of comprehensible system. Otherwise, people would never be able to find what it is they're looking for. But it is more than that. That is just the practical, day-to-day outcome. Ease of finding is all they teach you in library school, but that is merely the natural result of classification. Classification, my boy, is an art, the finest art in the fine art of librarianship! A classification system is like architecture, like poetry, like music! Unfortunately for the world, however, Dewey's system is utterly dull and prosaic, while Congress's is pure noise! What we need is a classification system that will rise up like a symphony of human knowledge, in perfect harmony!"

I have to admit that at this point I thought Mr. Phillips was starting to sound a little crazy. Idealistic, yes, brilliant even, but just a little bit nuts. That is, until the next thing he said...

"And you, young man, are going to help me compose the perfect classification system!"

Then I thought he was totally out of his mind.